Yearning of My Heart

Link to my regular blog...

2010-01-28T17:47:00.000-08:00

Read all about Andre's one month in review.

http://blubberfatality.livejournal.com/

Announcing Andre Adam McCombs

2010-01-12T02:02:00.000-08:00

It's been a whirlwind since I last posted. There is so much to tell. As I type this my son is laying against my bosom asleep in his sling and I am truly blessed to be a mom.

There are many details I should recall about his birth, his birth mother and the circumstances surrounding his entrance into the world but I just wanted to write a quick update.

Andre Adam McCombs
Born Dec 28th at 5:28pm
7 lbs 6 oz 18 inches long
He has lots of dark hair and is a very good day sleeper! (I'm going to give him a month or so to just be and then we will work on helping him align his schedule with the night and day.

I promise to write more details soon, but for now I will leave you with a picture.

NEWS BREAK!!!

2009-12-23T09:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a tremendous day for us!

The social worker emailed yesterday morning with birth mother having an african amerian baby boy and said she's be taking our portfolio and another families portfolio over to her. Normally it takes a few days for them to make a decision but the social worker called us back in the evening to tell us that the birth mom loved our portfolio and wanted us to be her match!

Elated, I called Paul at work and he was flabbergasted and of course we got caught up in the details. I was still at work and called Kendra to see where she was all the while playing it cool and not letting on what I knew. She was shopping at the mall nearby so I took the opportunity to stalk her and tell her in person. She was very excited. She is one of the many people who have been praying for us and was VERY EXCITED and moved to tears to hear the happy news. I called my mom and dad on speaker phone and told them, luckly my brother and his girlfriend were there so we got to tell all of them at once. Everyone is excited and I just can't believe this is happening. I know there are a few hoops left to jump through but here is our tentative plan:

Start driving to Utah on Saturday, get to Boise and then drive onto Utah in the morning, have some dinner w/ the birth mother (an early one since she will be induced in the morning). She will hopefully have the baby on Monday. We are not sure how long we will have to be in Utah but since some of our family live there it should be a good time for them to see the baby!

This is all we know right now, I will post pictures and more updates as we know them!

Updates

2009-12-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

Well, we are in the waiting game now. Have been presented to several birth moms who have chosen other families. I cannot pretend that this does not sting a bit. Sometimes we are very excited and in the same day very discouraged. The adoption people have told us that we have a great profile, that our pictures are wonderful and that on paper we look like a great family, some have said, it just isn't our time yet. While this is completely the truth, and I believe we will be parents someday this is the hardest thing I think I've ever gone through. I thought after meeting Paul online and getting married that I was over being rejected. (that last bit seems a little over the top but it is how I feel) I am thankful for Paul during this time and his patient ways. He is only ever encouraging even when I know sometimes he feels as sad as I do about not being matched yet.

As far as preparations are concerned, we have a new ceiling in the nursery, new carpet and baby furniture. I want to decorate the walls and get everything set up just to ease my mind. (sort of an if you build it they will come philosophy)

There are several possibilities yet to consider but I don't think we'll be parents by Christmas. Hopefully next Christmas we will have the joy of knowing what it's like to have a child in our home for the holidays. Only time will tell.

We've applied...

2009-08-17T22:32:00.000-07:00

We have decided on an agency. Had a meeting last Friday with an agency that is pretty close to where we live. They seem organized, friendly and open minded. We filled out our application over the weekend and dropped it off on our way home from work tonight!

On the way, we passed a familiar place where almost a year ago I talked with some friends about the first adoption situation we encountered. I thought about how much has changed since that night and how much more educated we are about this process. It is not as easy as the me of last year made it out to be but it is worth it. I think this whole process has brought Paul and I closer together. It has helped us to clarify what we want for our family and how we are willing to go about getting/doing the necessary things to raise children.

And now as I read back I see I've used the word "process" lots. Wow....

His giving has only begun.....

2009-07-12T02:15:00.000-07:00

I want to post something that really spoke to me today from this blog....

I think this could be just what I needed to read right now...

He Giveth More Grace
by Annie J. Flint

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Followup to the wait....

2009-07-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

I ended up emailing the social worker today to see if she had made any progress with the birth mother. She wrote back a little while later. She had just finished meeting with the birth mother for a counseling appointment. She said at this time, she is not comfortable matching the birth mother with any parents due to some new developments that had come to her attention. She said that until these issues were resolved, she would not be presenting any families to her.

Hey, we are of course a little disappointed to hear this BUT, at least this happened before and not after the child came to live with an adoptive family. We took this as a sign to check out the other agency (much closer to home) that was recommended to us by our lawyer AND a friend of a friend. The earliest appointment they had was July 16th. The case worker did send me some information which was helpful and encouraging.

I will as always update as information becomes available!

No news is good news?

2009-07-02T12:31:00.001-07:00

We hadn't heard anything from the adoption case worker until last Thursday. She told us they were still screening another family and we were still in the running. I saw that the "special situation" bulletin has been taken off their website so I am hopeful that this means things are progressing towards being presented to the birth mother. It would be nice to know either way.

It is funny, sometimes I feel so close to finally being a parent, then other times it seems like an unattainable thing. I don't mean that in an "I'm not worthy" sort of way but more in a "seems like a lot of variables out of my control" sort of way.

Life is getting hectic again with summer visitors, my summer job (which is supposed to be part time but always ends up being WAY more) and Paul is busy at work now too. We are looking forward to our camping trip in Idaho more than we ever thought we would when we booked it in February. I guess all this busyness is good for keeping our minds on other things. The baby's room is cleared out right now since my Aunts are coming to visit and I"m starting to get a clearer vision of how that room is going to be when it is occupied by a child! That is pretty exciting to consider.

I will certainly report more as we are informed.

Friday's Results

2009-06-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

The case worker who we met with on Friday was super great. She gave us a lot of information regarding the birth mom in question and the agency. We went in not knowing what to expect and were pleasantly surprised with what she had to say. She wanted to present us with 3 other families to the birth mom and her parents on Tuesday.(as in TOMORROW) We were glad we brought our family booklet with us. I do not want to go into too many details about the birth mom J but she sounds like she is a nice person with a very supportive family. We were tasked to go home and write a personal hand written letter to J. It was weighing on us all day fri and saturday but we perservered and turned out the letter on Sunday. As I looked for some paper to re-write the letter on, I found some Hello Kitty paper. I told Paul jokingly that maybe we should write it on Hello Kitty paper and guess what, he said "YES, do that!, I think that would be perfect". He was not being sarcastic and after a few more minutes of thought, I decided it would be ok. Some of you might be cringing but you know what, that is who we are. We are not serious, stuffy people who try to be fancy. (at least I don't feel that way) I wrote very carefully and re-read it before sealing it in an envelope. Paul mailed it today next day air and it's supposed to be there before 10am tomorrow.
Please pray along with us that we are able to constructively handle uncertainty, and possibly disappointment. J and her parents will pick 2 families and meet both families sometime before she makes her decision. It could take a few weeks or a few days. The good thing was, we did not have to sign up with the agency yet, she encouraged us to look around if we needed to which suits Pauls thinking on the issue of an agency.
As soon as we know something I will post! The case manager said that she'd let us know either way.

Next Friday

2009-06-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

We have an appointment with the adoption caseworker in Portland. We are supposed to bring a picture portfolio and have our fingerprints done. She said that our homestudy looked good and they may be able to use it if we are a good fit for this case OR another case closer to home in Vancouver, Wa. That couple is looking for a younger couple with no children. We fit the criteria and she wants to see what they would think of us. To us it is a good sign that they will accept our homestudy, she said that Washington is one of the only states that allows a homestudy not done by an agency to be used.

This week there are a few things we have to get done...

1. Go to the bank for financing
2. Get fingerprinted and get them sent into the FBI
3. Fill out the paperwork for the child abuse and neglect report through WA state.
4. Put together some pictures of our home, our family and friends and of course us.

Posibility

2009-06-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

We were forwarded a possibility with an agency out of Seattle yesterday. Since then, I haven't thought of much else. We are waiting to hear if they would accept our independent home study.
I pray they do. This possibility is a boy scheduled to be born sometime in September. I have to keep reminding myself it's just a lead, but the background information given to us sounds wonderful, the Birth Mother has a good support system and is already in counseling. She is unwavering about an open adoption that would take us to Hawaii every three years for a visit with her family. Her mom and dad would also like a casual relationship with the child so more grandparents! (what is not to like about that)

I pray that my mind will be on work and our daily life right now. I know that there is not much we can do until we get an answer and worry won't add an inch onto your stature right?

The Sickness

2009-05-20T06:39:00.000-07:00

I've got a sickness. It's called bibs and I've been making a LOT of them. Ok, only 10 and I've given 2 away but still. I posted the pic on my other blog but I will post here also. I stumbled upon this pattern from Chickpea Sewing and was hooked! (very easy)

How many bibs does one baby need? I guess we'll find out..someday...

I've always wanted to make little things to have ready for a child and it seems like I have some time now to stock up. I wonder what I should start on next?

The Long Wait

2009-05-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

I think I am starting to realize that finding a baby might take a while. This has always been a hard concept for me this waiting thing. I like to see instant results which is not really how life works. I was looking online today at some different adoption options. I called an agency that would not recognize our home study. It really made me feel more and more that agencies are a racket. I'm sure we just didn't find the right one. I would like to put up an adoption profile online. Does anybody else have one that would like to share?

Official Official

2009-05-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

We got our home study report in the mail today.

Here is a small exerpt:

This is a solid and happy family......Paul and Allyson are approved to be adoptive parents.....

When I read that part, I got teary!

Relieved

2009-04-17T21:25:00.000-07:00

I am relieved to say that our home visit with the social worker went very well. She was a great lady who put us at ease right away.

On the way home from work today, I got to thinking that I should probably have something to offer her so I stopped to buy cheese. What could be better than a cheese platter to lighten the mood, add in some pistachios and chocolate covered almonds, a few apples and some grapes for good measure and viola! Behold...

Ok, except after all that worry, we didn't even get to the cheese. Lots of talking, and clarifying things and no cheese.

It was a pretty pain free visit, she asked us to explain our childhood, relationship story, parenting ideology and values and many other small non scary things(finances, retirement, some health related stuff). She took a tour of the Tiki Lodge and we showed her our swing set, which she said she would definitely put in the report. When asked why we had a swingset, Paul said that he liked to swing, then added, "strictly on the swingset thought". We all had a chuckle about that.

At the end of the visit, the social worker said that she would definately be writing up our report(and that she has thought about refusing people before) she said that ours would be a good report with lots of favourable things to say.

So, that was a great big hurdle and we are almost over it. She said it would take about 2 weeks to get everything written up and sent to the lawyer and a copy to us. I guess its time to start looking for posibilities. I don't know why, but I feel like my life has been on hold for the last few months. I am glad that this big part of our journey is almost behind us and we can get closer to actually being parents.
Thanks for all the prayers you said for us and all the positive thoughts and support so far!

2009-04-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

Today is our home visit with our independent adoption social worker. I am nervous that we'll be to fat or crazy or both but also excited to get over this part of the journey. A friend of mine said yesterday that I'd be surprised at how it goes and that it won't be the nightmare I'm making it out to be.

The house is tidy and Paul and I have discussed every possible scenario we may encounter this evening. Letting a total stranger into your home to be scrutinized is bound to make everyone a little nervous right?

The other day while talking to the social worker over the phone, she said we had done hard work filling out the paperwork and writing our biographies. I think I will go into "hope for the best" mode from this point on.

Prayers and good thoughts would be much appreciated today around 5:30! (or any day really)

Still Here...

2009-03-31T16:11:00.000-07:00

Well, the social worker called us while were were on a short little vacation last week and would like to set up a time to come and visit our home. (I guess that's why they call it a home study right)

Hope to hear from her sometime this week about a definite date but it seems like we'll have our visit with her by the end of April. Any input, suggestions and anecdotes about this are appreciated.

Support

2009-02-26T11:01:00.000-08:00

It's a wonderful thing and we are lucky to have so much support in our adoption journey. Last night my best friend sent me this scripture which I am going to share with you all:

Habakkuk 2:3 "The vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."

Working on it...

2008-12-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

We are still working on our homestudy paperwork..
We are still working on our house, making it more habitable for a little one...

I am still working on not getting too upset when I hear about women I know who are getting to be pregnant...(there seems to be a lot lately)..(if you are a friend of mine and pregnant, please don't take offense to this, I am not angry with your pregnancy, I am still grieving my barren non existent womb)

working on it working on it working on it...

Christmastime was wonderful and a little hard, I want to watch OUR children open gifts, share their new toys with their cousins and family friends and see Paul share his Christmas joy with our little ones. I am thankful that we got to spend Christmas with our Seattle family the Cabreras this year! We got to watch their kids open some gifts and share in their excitement AND I got to hold Annabelle their newest addition as much as I wanted. (I know it sounds strange, but sometimes it helps)

Kendra made me these frames as a gift. One has Paul's baby picture and one has my kid picture and she left one with no picture in hopes that someday soon we can fill it with a new addition to our family. At first she thought maybe it would upset me , but I did not take it as being presumptuous. I took it as a step of good faith on her part. It helps to know that other people believe that you will someday be a parent.....

I know that there are many ups and downs ahead on our journey. We have more possibilities on the horizon and maybe even some more disappointments. At this time I am very thankful to have been blessed with a supportive spouse and some wonderful friends to lean on.

Wisconsin Opportunity Lost

2008-12-04T06:28:00.000-08:00

We were supposed to meet with the possible birth mother on friday. I was hopeful since she called us when we got into town which seemed like a good sign. Yesterday she sent me a text saying she has too much on her plate to meet.

Of course we feel a little sad about it, but I guess it's better to know now that she is not invested in this choice instead of after the baby is born.

Limbo

2008-11-25T09:28:00.000-08:00

Ahh, sometimes decisions are tough. I am in a quandary here over whether or not to be in the choir I sing with this quarter or not. The baby we will hopefully adopt is due in March. This is also concert month and this quarter we are doing Verdi's requium. (something I don't want to miss) I"m a little torn. I don't want my life to stop but I also don't want to have to drop out half way through the quarter or right before the show either. I sometimes wish for a crystal ball. We are hopefully going to be in contact with the birth mother over the Thanksgiving holidays while we are in Wisconsin but one never knows. I am hoping we get a better feel for whether or not this will happen. Still waiting for the bio father to agree to all this.

Advice or input is requested over this one.

Win a Baby Carrier

2008-11-24T16:37:00.000-08:00

Win a Free Organic Embroidered Ergo Baby Carrier Hands Free System from Along for the Ride

I don't know if I"ll win, but I"ll try!

The Risks

2008-11-18T15:44:00.001-08:00

One of the risks associated with adoption is the birth mother changing her mind. I was reading this blog today and sent up a prayer for this family. Today must be a very hard day for everyone involved in this adoption. As we get closer to March this could very well be our situation too.

For the most part, I can keep myself positive and not think of this risk, but it's always there.

Friday Medical Exams

2008-11-17T12:11:00.000-08:00

Our physicals went well on Friday and the doctor said he thought we'd make super parents. He said that we had no physical limitations that would keep us from making good parents (although we knew this, it is still good to hear it from other people) He took some blood and explained that most of the paperwork for adoption is based on forms that were invented in the 50's so we would be checked for syphilis which is pretty much a non issue now, he also ran an AIDS test and some other blood panels.

We got back another personal reference form on Saturday which was nice to see and one of our references from far away sent it directly to the social worker. Things are moving along.

Today a man is here fixing the concrete pad by our storage room which means soon we can be in that space organizing it and setting it up with electronics since it will now be water tight! I can't wait to use that space more efficiently!

This weekend we had the fun opportunity to babysit our favorite kids overnight! It was a lot of fun and I think the kids had fun too. It just solidifies our wanting to build our family even more!

Here is a cute pic of Paul and Avery from the weekend!

Process Progress

2008-11-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

Well, we are still in the homestudy paperwork process. I need to make Dr. Appointments this week. In fact I should do that instead of blogging.

Over the weekend my mom made contact with that possible birth mother. She has her phone turned back on but has not made any progress with the father. He is still not wanting to sign off his rights. We are not giving up hope though, I think it would be hard to make that decision and upon first glance I bet many people would say NO. She still wants this to happen and so do we. I am dying to talk to her myself. I am waiting to hear what the lawyer thinks of my wanting to contact her personally.

We are making progress on our home improvements and next Monday we will have a new sink and mirror in our main bathroom and a new coat of paint on the walls. Now if only the contractor would get back to us on the job that needs to be done in our storage room, we really need to be able to use that room more efficiently.

I found this on etsy today and YES I want to use it on the nursery wall!!!

Preparation

2008-10-28T11:37:00.000-07:00

I am looking at wooden rockers right now because I really want to rock our child. My mother did it as did PM's mom. I think it could really be a bonding tool. This one is in the running so far. It's extra wide which will be nice since PM and I are larger people. If we are going to spend money on a chair, I think it would be nice to actually enjoy sitting in it.

Monday Monday

2008-10-27T09:26:00.001-07:00

First of all, who wouldn't want to adopt a child when you're husband looks so cute interacting with one of his favorite little boys!!

Last Monday was our appointment with the lawyer. Today I am waiting around for a contractor to show up and give us an estimate on some work we need done around our house. Lots of things to get ready here at the Tiki Lodge. Saturday night we had some friends over for supper and cleared the back bedroom so kids could have a place to play, I could really see the potential of that room and cannot wait to turn it into a child's nursery/bedroom. If we can get some work done on our storeroom so it is dry during the rainy season, we can finally store things there instead of the back bedroom. I think with a little elbow grease and some paint, that baby is going to have a cute room! I"m thinking owls!
Over the weekend, we asked several people to be our references for the home study. It was hard to choose because we have a lot of people who want to vouch for us. I am thankful for all the people we have in our lives who have been an encouragement to us.

In small group on Wednesday night, we asked people to pray for us and everyone involved in this process. When we mentioned it, one of the ladies in the group said she knew of another couple in the church who had chosen to add to their family through adoption and thought she could maybe hook us up with them. Again, last night at our friends Halloween party, we met another couple pursuing an international adoption in Korea. They are further along in their paperwork and are more in a waiting phase. It's funny how once the subject is out in the open people come out of the woodwork who have gone through the same thing.

2008-10-24T22:26:00.000-07:00

We got our paperwork from the social worker today who will be doing our homestudy. I was so glad to finally see what steps we will go through to get approved. After reading through the paperwork, I am convinced we will be just fine.

I will of course post more about the process.

I also bought this crib set the other day and thought I"d share. Maybe a bit early for some, but I have this philosophy: If you buy it, they will come....I"m not sure how my husband feels about that! hehehe

Small Roadblock

2008-10-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

We had a lead on a possible bio-mother however, when trying to contact her through a relative yesterday her phone has been temporarily turned off.

I am praying for her, I know that times are tough for her and hope she is ok. Regardless of the adoption process she is an expectant mother with a younger child and needs the safety of a phone.

I was able to find out her town and county of residence. It is promising that she lives close to a major city in Wi. It will be easier for her to get to the lawyer that will be advocating for her.

PM and I prayed about the situation earlier this morning. I know that what will be will be, and want to make sure that we are still living our lives and not just existing until we hear news. I am open to suggestions as to how we can channel our excitement during this time. (one can only make so many loaves of chocolate chip pumpkin bread!)

First Steps

2008-10-20T12:32:00.000-07:00

After our appointment with the attorney today, we are confident that this process will not be completely horrible. A few good things that came out of our meeting:

1. In the current situation both biological parents are already identified.
2. We have indirect contact with the bio-mother through my mother who is a relatively diplomatic communicator.
3. Our attorney went to UW Madison so she is familiar with the state.

Things we have to do soon:

1. Schedule a home study.
2. Find out what town/county the bio-mother lives in so our attorney can find her legal counsel to make this as easy and understandable for everyone.
3. Find out if the father is truly willing to give up his rights.
4. See if the bio-mother is getting the medical care she needs. If she cannot afford, we will shoulder some of the cost.

Notice on our to do list I did not include obsess or wring my hands in anguish while we wait. Last night I did an impetuous thing and ordered some baby things online. I am also knitting a baby sweater for either a girl or a boy. These are rituals which every mother does at some point right?

The Beginning

2008-10-19T23:50:00.000-07:00

This is a short rundown on why I started Yearning of My Heart:

At the age of 24 I had uterine cancer remedied by a radical hysterectomy in 2001. Fast forward to 2006 where I met and married my husband PM who is so kind and supportive of my infertility. We have been married almost 3 years now and have decided it's time to add on to our family by way of adoption.

Tomorrow is a monumental day. We will go and talk to an adoption attorney who will give us the specifics on how to proceed with the adoption process. I am anticipating a positive meeting since my phone conversation with the attorney was uplifting. She is an adoptive parent and expressed during our brief conversation that she's been in our shoes. This fact makes me glad to have found her.